Are We There Yet?
January 31st, 2008
Was just thinking: I’m 34 years old. Aren’t I supposed to, you know… aren’t I supposed to have arrived by now? Going by our assumptions when we were young, I mean; when I was 10, 11, 12, even a little older, I’m sure if you had asked me what I would do/be when I was 34, I would have said: an artist, or a writer, or a musician. Depending when you asked. But one thing’s for sure: I was pretty confident that whatever I was going to be, by the time I reached the ripe old age of 34, I was certainly going to be it by that time.
So why the heck do I still feel I’m not there?
Of course, looking around at where I am, I realize that I’m doing really well. I live in a loft in downtown Minneapolis. I own and rent out a condo in the suburbs. I work for a Fortune 500 company (I’m not sure that would have been a goal when I was 10, but whatever), and I do web design and programming on a freelance basis. I’m 3/4 finished a Computer Science degree, without going into debt for it. I’ve lived in Vancouver, British Columbia; Tulsa, Oklahoma; and Minneapolis, Minnesota (Vancouver is the most beautiful; Minneapolis is the coldest; Tulsa is…. where I met a lot of cool people, my wife among them). I’ve lived on the street, on welfare, done enough drugs for two people my age, quit said drugs, attended a Bible school, and taught at a Bible school. I’ve written songs and played guitar in two different bands and had a great time doing it.
In other words… I’ve got very little to feel sorry for myself for, and a whole lot to be thankful for. I’ve done a lot of the things I wanted to do.
So that feeling, “Are we there yet?” It’s a bit of a chimera. Yes, there are things — okay, a lot of things — that I still want to accomplish. Good. That’s a positive. But there’s no reason to feel “sorry” for not being ay “further along” my current goals than I am now. For one thing, most of my current goals were not even on my radar five, ten, fifteen years ago; so it’s not even possible that I could have been preparing for them.
It’s great to be Not There Yet. That means I’m not finished.
5 Responses to “Are We There Yet?”
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January 31st, 2008 at 09:49 PM
Hey Phil,
I think in western civilisation, we are under a false pretense of a “finish line”. Constantly waiting for the moment you describe, where the process pays off.
Personally, this is the biggest myth going. Think of the ocean, there is no goal. No “end point”. There is just the waving.
I relate this to human life, where there is just the living. We’ll never realise our “life goal”, because we don’t understand we already have. The point is the process, not the beginning, middle, or end.
If you’re interested – look up some of Alan Watts’ works – he philosophises about this pretty heavily.
Of course, would love to talk about this kind of thing more :-) feel free to email matt (at) mattharwood.co.uk
Keep up the great work! Matt
February 1st, 2008 at 12:03 AM
Thanks, Matt!
Yes, that’s basically what I was thinking as I was writing; the “finish line” analogy is a good one.
Now… Alan Watts. I’ve read after Watts in the past. And Timothy Leary, Richard Alpert (Ram Dass), Aleister Crowley, P.D. Ouspensky, Terrence McKenna, etc, etc. I have swung pretty widely away from many of Watts’ core ideas. Uh, for example, I’m now a Christian (... just try to forget the baggage that term carries with it for a minute), which is pretty far from Alan Watts no matter how you slice it.
That said, in areas like this one, I definitely see the merit in some of those ideas. Some things are universal, some things just makes sense.
Talking more about this sort of thing would definitely be interesting, as long as you’re okay with someone respectfully disagreeing on a few things. :-)
February 1st, 2008 at 12:51 AM
The “finish line” analogy isn’t bad. Not bad at all. Mind if I do some Zen / Tai.kwon.do on that?
How about “starting line”? When I was 12 I set out to build a gyroscopically-stabilized rocket. That was 1996. I was in a rural town of 2500. I was kinna on my own. Didn’t get far. So I switched to an RF-sensor seismograph. shrug Not near as much fun.
But I gotta say, getting into airborne training gave me a real sense of accomplishment. Since I was 98 pounds (Yaaa, really, stereotypes aren’t empty!) the Doc wasn’t into it. He told me if I could put on 10 pounds then to come back in a month later. I came in at 104. He let me in. Getting /through/ airborne training? shrug Dunno … no biggie. A while later I won a special award from CFSCEE CFB Kingston … set a new high course record with 94% (SigInt) ... it was a bit of a deal cuz at the time there was about 60% failure rate.
Or that 45 miles drive through the blizzard in the Cape Breton Highlands with a load of groceries … the image of mom and 5 kidz freezing was quite a motivation. heh
SAC/NORAD at 20. yaaawwn
All depends what a person sets oneself to, ehh whot?
Here’s a trip: imagine how you’d motivated yourself to up and out 5 days a week if your job was retail, selling flavored salt. Yaaa … life’s a riot. heh
cheers —bentrem
February 1st, 2008 at 06:43 PM
I love/hate the journey. Always almost, not yet. becoming
February 12th, 2008 at 11:14 AM
Hi, got to your blog by googling “Scripture in Song” :)
I think we live in a very goal-oriented culture / society and therefore this spills over to our personal & spiritual lives too, where we feel we have to get somewhere, achieve something, be someone… I could go on and on :)
It’s taken me some time to realise that life is a journey… we never quite ‘get there’. Frustrating though! No goal posts!